I didn’t accomplish my ’52 Books in 2018′ reading challenge! So what?
It’s a New Year! And as such, my mind is perhaps unsurprisingly occupied with reflections of the past year. One such reflection that I’ve been thinking about a lot is the notion of challenges and goals. Specifically reading challenges.
As an avid reader, I had never set a book goal before 2018, as I always had a book on the go. As such, I was never worried about how much I was reading. 2018 was the first year that I ever embarked on such a goal. Bringing in a book goal was an interesting experiment for me, one that, I’ll admit, I thought would be incredibly easy for me to accomplish.
Lo and behold, by early November I became very much aware that I was not going to achieve my goal of reading 52 books in 2018. In fact, I was nowhere close, finishing the year at 32 books. And here we are in January 2019 and I was right. I did not succeed in reading 52 books in 2018. So what?
At first, I considered not talking about it at all since I was constantly seeing posts and tweets celebrating the reading accomplishments on social media. I congratulate all those that did make it, but it also made me realise just why it is so important to mention.
What did I really accomplish by undertaking this challenge? Was it just the right to brag that I had read 52 books this year? Definitely not. So what then?
Reading was no longer a passive activity
Embarking on this challenge kept me reading, but more importantly, reading intentionally. Even when I was working full time, and trying to spend time with my family, I was reminded of the next book that was on my list. We all have that giant list of to be read books that just keeps getting longer and longer, and for me, it felt like I was never making a dent in it. Having this challenge turned that list into an active element, where items were being removed and added and reprioritized. It made me rethink the relationship between my day-to-day life and books outside of a school context.
Since this was my first year outside of academia, my reading choices were no longer (mostly) dictated by my syllabus. While this was extremely freeing, it was simultaneously immensely daunting. Where does one even begin how to choose a book to read. Without the guideline of a topic or research avenue, I felt lost, like I had forgotten how to choose for myself. Without getting too overly deep, it was incredibly similar feeling to that moment that you have after you graduate and realise you have to go into the real world where no one is telling you what to do.
On one hand, you’re thinking, “Yes! Finally!” On the other: “Shit…what now?” This challenge provided me with the drive to continue reading and finding new books to read based on my own intuition and feelings about them.
Having a goal with no purpose
On the other hand, I found myself reading at times for the sole purpose of needing to keep on schedule. I’ll be the first to admit that at times I was strategic about what books I was choosing; the length, topic and readability were most definitely factors that I considered when I felt like I was falling behind schedule.
Having no “why” behind this challenge resulted in the goal being another excuse for an ego boost. There is no pride in taking on a challenge solely so I could tell people how often I read. We live in a world where we, unfortunately, correlate how much and how often one reads to how smart or intellectual they are. This is simply not true.
Though I did not achieve the numerical goal, what I did achieve was a kind of enlightenment from the books I had read. They had, in fact, provided me with something less substantial than a number to boast, but rather with something of more personal value.
While revisiting my books of the past year, I thought more about what they gave me on a deeper level. What were the implications, the lessons, the feelings it left behind? From this, I was able to determine what I felt to be my best book of 2018.
Warlight by Michael Ondaatje
I wrote a review for this Man Booker longlist candidate earlier this year, which you can read here, in which I summarised my feelings on this novel by saying the following.
In a single word, the novel can be described as one of love. But it is a strange love, one that ebbs and flows, that is shrouded by confusion, anger, hatred and pain. Parental love, marital love, childhood love, first love, and ephemeral love. All can be found in Warlight in some manner or another in this wonderful exploration of what it means to truly know someone else.”
This book left a much bigger impact on me than I initially considered. While at times the writing was slow, something I mentioned in the review, the impact of it was similarly a slow burn. I have found myself returning to flip through the book since reading. What I was looking for, I’m not sure, but clearly, I was not done with the book. I’ve written before on the importance of rereading and this book definitely demonstrated those to me.
It was this feeling that got me thinking about how reading for a number can overlook why sometimes reading requires you to slow down. Warlight often spoke about love in the numerous forms mentioned about, but what I came to realise as I thought about it more was how it described self-love. More specifically how love for others can impact your the opinion on one’s self.
This similarly led me to think about the impact the books I’ve loved (and to some degree also the ones I’ve hated) have had on my ability to get to know myself intentionally and intimately. Warlight was one of those books that got me thinking about all the relationships in my life and what I could offer them and what they offer me as well.
The sheer ability of this book, and so many others, to make you consider the state of one’s life, and inspire a desire to make it better is why I would praise Warlight as my best book of 2018.
I hope this (longer than usual) post convinced you in some way to give the amazing Michael Ondaatje a read if you haven’t already, and made you think a little bit more about being intentional with the goals and resolutions you create this year.
Happy New Year everyone!
~S~
