Trigger Warning: The following post includes mention of mental illness and suicide.
In 2018, Sally Rooney, author of Conversation With Friends, came out with her highly anticipated second novel. And less than 2 years later it has been adapted into a Hulu/BBC mini-series. This rapid turnover is virtual unheard of in the book industry, where it can be years, even decades before a film or show adaption is considered (e.g. Good Omens, American Gods, Shadowhunters). One reason for this is that most book lovers, myself included very rarely enjoy book adaptations, be they TV shows or movies (though there definitely have been some we’ve enjoyed!). And yet, I give my stamp of approval to Hulu’s Normal People. Aside from a shocking lack of diversity, I can confidently say that this adaptation one that I actually enjoyed more than the book. Here’s why.
Spoilers ahead.
Following two young Irish students from different social classes, Marianne and Connell, from their senior year of high school through their university years at Trinity College in Dublin, Normal People explores the powerful relationship, both platonic and romantic, between them and how life and insecurities, social expectations and opportunities can get it in the way.
Starting off in a typical ‘popular-boy-likes-the-loner-girl’ trope, the story quickly demonstrates how the labels we identify ourselves by when we are young not only hold very little meaning in our adult lives but are in fact barriers to discovering our truer selves. Where much of the fanfare around the show has focused on the realistic millennial traits and daring sex scenes, more significant to me was the sensitive yet poignant approach to mental health.
Much like the book form, the show focuses on the main duo, complete with their internal musings, insecurities and worries that often overpower rational thought. So up close and personal with the raw emotions of young adults, the show leaves you feeling simultaneously overwhelmed and unsatiated. Nothing more than ordinary people, or I guess one should say normal people, Marianne and Connell portray one of the rawest depictions of growing up on TV.
The show, while necessarily placing the two protagonists in the centre, nevertheless, take the issue of mental health and subtly follows both characters experiences with mental illness in tandem with their relationship with each other. Indeed, in line with this depiction, recent research indicates that around 20% of students in the UK have diagnosed mental health issues.
We have talked in the past about the importance of representation in mainstream media, and another aspect of that is the problematic representation of mental health in media. One of my biggest frustrations with representations of mental health in entertainment is that it so often oscillates between two unappealing versions: stigmatisation or trivialisation.
In 1963, sociologist Erving Goffman argued that stigma disqualifies individuals from social acceptance, isolating them and scarring them so deeply that it affects all their social relationships. Indeed, on one hand, cultural media has often contributed to the stigmatisation of mental health whereby those deeply affected are portrayed as incompetent, violent, dangerous and even inherently immoral. On the other hand, mass media will often trivialise mental illness, making it out to seem like an advantage or benefit as with the high energy of individuals of attention-deficit disorder or the organisation of those with obsessive compulsive disorders (Pavelko and Myrick 2019). At the crux of Connell and Marianne’s early issues is Connells deep-seated need to be accepted. In an interesting turn of events, his own decline into depression finally allows him to break away from this need.
Media has a tendency to romanticise mental health in relationships, making one party out as a white knight saviour and the other as the aesthetic self-destructive type. It is undeniably true that mental illnesses can be incredibly messy and destructive to one’s life, however, when it is used for the purpose of creating a damsel in distress character, or insinuate that if only you had the right person it could get fixed it is done under the desire for sensationalism than sincerity. Additionally, it leads to a level of ignorance, when everyone expects mental illness to look one way, with the same characteristics and symptoms, which is not always the case.
It is exactly this that the Normal People TV show was able to avoid. While still demonstrating how destructive mental illness can be to one’s life, the show emphasised the importance of trusting the people in your life rather than expecting anyone to save you. One example of this is the accurate portrayal of what it is like going to a counsellor or therapist should be applauded. Right down to the pre-meeting form and the counsellor’s responses to Connell were almost perfect replications of what it is truly like. Another significant moment was when Marianne stayed on Skype with Connell all through the night so that he would not be alone. She did not try to fix him or make general suggestions that dismiss the extent of the problem (i.e. ‘just go to the gym’) but rather, understands that what was needed was safety to go through his grief, guilt, shame and self-hatred.
Moreover, the show opened a much-needed conversation of men’s mental health, emphasising the danger in not asking for help. Two parallel moments in the show articulate this. The first, when Connell and his childhood friends comment at their friend’s funeral how they did not even realise the man had been struggling prior to his suicide. The second, when Connell’s roommate approaches and lets him know he is worried and suggests that Connell seeks help. In those moments we see how much of a difference showing your emotions to your friends can make in the long run. The bottled-up emotional barriers that are expected from toxic masculinity can be a death sentence. Indeed, 75% of suicides in the UK are male.
Similarly, just as Connell’s depression comes on quickly after the suicide of a childhood friend, the show does a wonderful job at demonstrating how mental illness can also be a result of long-term abuse and neglect as is the case with Marianne. More specifically, the challenges with growing up (in all the senses bigger than just ‘aging’) with neglect and abuse. Some of her past relationships see Marianne willingly accepting cruel and at time violent treatment, highlighting how the cycle of abuse desensitises her from the clear mistreatment and disrespect. In asking Connell to hurt her, she is not asking him to satisfy a sexual kink, but rather to give her an opportunity to suffer and, by extension, earn his love. Once again, what she needed was not a saviour but kindness and safety. Safety to believe that she is better than the emotional abuse she faced throughout her life. Safety to believe that love is not conditional and does not require emotional or physical harm.
It is not sugar-coated, but nor is it exaggerated for the sake of drama. In fact, at time it is so raw that it is uncomfortable. If there is any show that embodies that notion of the right relationship but at the wrong time and wrong place, it is Normal People.
However, with its warm tones and poignant pauses, Normal People also gives us hope that simply needing time to experience life is not an inevitable end for a relationship. Moreover, and more importantly in my opinion, it demonstrates how having insecurities or mental health issues does not mean you cannot also find love or be loved or even make mistakes in that love, a fear so common to many with mental illnesses.
The show illustrates how having people around you that you trust and love can make things better, and it is for that reason that the love story in Normal People is so significant.
~S~
If you are experiences mental health issues please check the following links for various helplines and mental health crisis services:
Canada: https://mindyourmind.ca/help/where-call
Checkpointorg.com also offers a list of local websites and emergency contact numbers at the following link: https://checkpointorg.com/global
